Standinguptopcos's Blog

Overcoming a case of the “Superman”

standinguptopcos — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 20:24:13 +0000

Ok…

So it has been a hot minute, (and by hot minute, I mean over a year of internet silence, blog-wise) and there is a reason for that.

I had/currently seeking treatment for Superman syndrome.

What is Superman Syndrome, you might ask? It is a silent affliction that creeps into the blood stream by having too many burritos and drinking your own koolaide, and I mastered both in spades.

It’s an epidemic that acquaintances dismiss, and dear friends softly probe at.”How’s the workout going?”, “You can’t really tell the difference in your face” and my personal favorite nail in the muffin top coffin, “Well what you were doing wasn’t real, no one could ever keep that weight off”. Yeah- that last one actually happened, at a wedding that I was at…alone. Oh, to be 25 and slightly narcissistic. (it is a blog post after all).

This syndrome happened after my bravolebrity days (I did not come up with that word, but apparently it’s commonly used in reality tv vernacular…..). After my support circle had swayed, shifted, and in some cases, completely dropped out from under me. With the cameras off, trainers nowhere to be seen, and life getting busier with you know, paying bills and acting like the grown up I had professed to being, I allowed my health to take a backseat.

At 24, I was tired of taking enough pills to make my hormones and blood sugar “normal”. I used any outing with friends to eat just like them! *it should be noted that my friends for the most part are at least half my size and eat twice as much(and it’s usually deep-fried. I say this because they are true friends, and I have video to prove it….). Promising that the following day I would get back on track- my how quickly a day turns into a year…yikes!

I went off my medications… I just stopped taking them, because I’m pretty much the smartest person in the world. That’s when Superman Syndrome hit with a vengeance, with a time-honored method, and my personal nemesis- mathematics.

Equation: If Stacy has a threesome with Ben and Jerry (and by threesome, I mean me, my couch and a pint of chunky monkey) but does not exercise, does not take her medication, and repeats this on a regular basis (the threesome might change to popcorn and candy at the movies, pizza with various toppings, cheeseburgers -i.e. foods that make most of us look like we are related to the Michelin man tire mascot) you basically get the same outcome.

Superman Syndrome:The feeling that you are invincible, because once, you were something, you thought you were something. People kept coming up to you talking about how amazing you were and it got to your head, which made you think, “I can eat this and not workout because I am Superman!”

Well I think I have proven that anything out of a deep fryer or value menu is my personal kryptonite.

Now is the point of the story where Clark Kent (or in this case, a different, yet still beautiful Stacy Citron) takes her spiderman mask or cape, or whatever (I was never a comic book person….) out of the gutter, dusts herself off, and vows that this time will be different. Music swells, doves come out of a dark corner, gold light appears….

So here I sit, behind my overpriced computer, making a vow to myself, and to those of you that give a hoot. I have fallen down, and the road back to the top is lined with stair climbers, dance classes, salads, planning, and sound medical advice (that does not come from the internet or a guy in a van). It’s not an easy road, and I’ve done it before, but this time, I will be doing it for myself. Not for ratings, not to keep friendships, not to look good for some guy.

I ask for your forgiveness in advance if I say something less than flattering to you as rid myself of willy wonka favorites, or if I stop following your posts of foods wrapped in bacon on pinterest. I will take you up on going to a spin class, hiking, going to healthy restaurants and various bars where I will politely abstain from alcohol and fully partake in ridiculous dancing and karaoke.

I know it’s almost March, and by summertime, I promise to not only be healthier, but for once and for all be comfortable in my skin, no matter what size it ends up shrinking too.

that’s it- i got some flying to do….

Beware of the energy vampires

standinguptopcos — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 03:26:38 +0000

Everyone knows one, has one, or has gotten rid of an Energy Vampire. They are also known as “friends of convenience” “fair-weather” and my personal favorite “flip-floppers”. This isn’t politics, friends should be a constant in your life, something that brings you and said friend(s) a constant source of joy and support.

There are all different levels, sometimes it can just be the friend that you work with, or in the best of friend cases, they become the family you choose. Sooner or later, some of these friends can turn into the lethal energy vampire. It’s not your fault for not recognizing it, and it first you don’t see it. It can start with something small, maybe they are having a bad day (which everyone is entitled to) and nothing seems to be going their way. They become a Debbie Downer and when you leave them, you feel drained, and slightly worse for wear.

That bad day turns into a week, a month, and before you know it you become outright exhausted just by the thought of going to a movie with them. Or they could be more of the leech variety, and only call you when they need you help. You being the obliging friend, would of course come to their aid, but when you need some assistance of your own, they mysteriously are nowhere to be found.

Now I know that this has nothing to do with PCOS, and you are probably asking yourself why I am going into this with such gusto. I have noticed over the last week that I have allowed some of these people into my life. I find that I continue to perpetuate the same cycle of putting in 90 when others put in 10. I understand that everyone is busy, we all have lives, and even though it never snows in LA, the town is full of flakes.

I think it’s important to address this because I think there is a direct correlation between how you feel/operate energetically and how you physically feel. When I am around these vampires, I feel lack-luster, exhausted and pun intended, drained. I put more of myself into these relationships than into myself. I think we are taught that if we put too much energy into ourselves that it’s selfish, and how dare we act so?!

If you can’t put yourself first, then you won’t be of any use to anyone else in your life. I recognize that I love feeling needed therefore, I allow myself to be a buffet to would-be vamps. No more!

I am literally exhausted trying to be everyone’s best friend and more importantly, I am sick and tired of trying to hold onto friends that have made it crystal clear that they no longer want to be friends with me.

I graduated high school and college, so I understand this without hesitation and hurt, even though these EV’s go the other route, which admittedly is a little annoying,

So here is my new check list-

3 strikes- I will try to reach out 3 times- no response, I’m done striking out- their turn to be up at bat.
what have I done for myself today?
is this a favor I really want to do?
try to meet one new person a week- expand my social circle. Don’t get stuck in a pattern or lull- if you feel the need to expand- do it!
Friends that ignore you, put you in uncomfortable situations, don’t respect you ARE NOT FRIENDS.

googling PCOS does not a doctor make…

standinguptopcos — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 21:34:18 +0000

I love it when people self diagnose themselves simply by using the internet. Just because you have a stomach cramps, a headache and happen to be overly tired does not mean that you have cancer. A migraine does not equal a tumor. So when most of us go onto these sites (thanks WebMd) and then head to the doctor’s office we set ourselves up.

It can be intimidating to go to your doctor and tell them that you think you have something (that they didn’t catch). When I was diagnosed with PCOS I was tested for everything under the sun but PCOS, and it was only by being tested for Cushing syndrome that came back negative. I was 13 at the time, and after being poked, prodded and most importantly treated like a petulant five-year old (which admittedly sometimes 13-year-olds act like) I not only hated doctors but didn’t trust a single word they uttered.

When you feel this way, it makes it even harder to move forward on your path towards a healthy lifestyle. So I have developed some checklists in finding a doctor as well as what to ask once you get there.

Finding you Doctor:

Make sure that they are covered with your health plan. I have found doctors that I love, but they were not covered with my insurance and unless you have thousands of dollars you are willing to spend, check with your health insurance!
Once you find a doctor that is covered, get your Nancy Drew on. Research them, if they have a website,or check accredited PCOS websites to help find medical professionals. I love incyst.org for general PCOS information and helpful links.
See if you can go in and meet with them, or check out their office to see if you will feel comfortable there. Often a doctor (like an internet date) looks great on paper, but it can be completely different in person.

Once you get to the Doctor:

Ask about test results step by step and parrot back: “So you are telling me that my fasting blood sugar test came back higher than normal. What does that mean in terms of what it is doing to my body, and are there ways to naturally combat it?”
Ask what the purpose is for every test/blood work that gets done/taken.
Bring a pen and paper- writing everything down will ensure that you are doing everything you can on your end to stay fully informed.
If prescribed medication, ask about all the known side effects, what to expect. I know it sounds silly, but no one ever really warned me about the nauseatastic side effects I would get from my various PCOS medication. ALWAYS ASK and ASK AGAIN at the PHARMACY.
Do not be afraid to ask whatever questions you may have. You are paying them for their help and expertise, so make sure to make the most of it. You wouldn’t let your new hairdresser have a free reign with your look, same with your doctor- talk it out!

Get informed, stay away from self diagnosis, and never give up on being healthy. Nothing is impossible and you deserve to have the best health you can!

are these batteries rechargeable?

standinguptopcos — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 00:35:57 +0000

Anyone else find that there sleeping schedule gets a little wonky during the winter? Between a late work session last night, it getting dark at 3pm and my daily dose of metformin, I’m starting to feel like an old lady. Anyone have anything that they do to perk up when you need a jolt? I haven’t felt this run down in a while and I don’t want to rely on coffee but I also don’t want to fall asleep at 4:45.

I’m hoping that it will get a little better this weekend as I won’t have a spare moment- Spin class seems to help, and weight lifting- I have my crunch routine ready for tomorrow morning- can you say 1,000 crunches? I can.

Hope you all have a great weekend, make healthy choices and keep your eyes open!

You spin me right round

standinguptopcos — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 22:16:58 +0000

So I have started to take spin again after taking a 2 month hiatus from it. I try to change up my workout, but I always seem to gravitate to spin because I don’t have to think about it. I work out really hard, burn a ton of calories and shape my lower body. Tomorrow I will be hiking with an old friend of mine, because the thought of going to the gym tomorrow right now is making me feel a little stagnant. I think it’s s important to change things up and to workout with friends, or in a class of some kind. There are days when I workout at the gym by myself and an hour can seem like an eternity. I like to mix it up and it keeps me from getting into a rut and reverting back to bad habits.

Can’t wait to hit the trails tomorrow!

getting back from my trip to Funkytown

standinguptopcos — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 17:01:08 +0000

Since Thanksgiving I have been in a funk. It’s a vicious cycle that seemed to be unbreakable. I thought I had tried all of the tricks I knew, but nothing seemed to be working. I felt like I was sending out half-assed energy into a universal void, sounds depressing right? That’s when I stopped and asked for input/advice from people who I trust. They helped me refocus, and make the ever classy early exit from the pity party I was throwing.

Here is what they said and what I have gotten back to:

You are not Enron! YOU are a worthy investment, so please do yourself (and everyone around you a favor and) get over yourself.
Count your blessings and the people you love. Pay it forward and let the people you love know how awesome they really are
Take yourself on a date that inspires you creatively
Be direct, and honest at ALL times.
Guilt and worry serves you just as chewing gum will help you solve an algebra problem in a Japanese math book.
Comparison is like playing Russian Roulette with your heart, except the gun is fully loaded (no fun in that…)
BREATHE

That is what I leave you with today, so take it for what you will and I hope that your day is filled with creativity, love, abundance and compassion.

sugar sugar, oh honey honey

standinguptopcos — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 21:18:41 +0000

You know that Sandman monster in the third Spiderman film? He seems like your average super-villan, but he has that edge because he can hide anywhere because he’s made of sand! That’s how I feel about sugar. It’s this big monster of a villan that hides everywhere and gets into your body even without your say so.

What makes this evil-doer even worse, is that you are addicted to it, like some masochistic damsel in distress. I never remember the princess trapped in the tower going, “You know that fire breathing dragon that burns everyone who tries to save me to a crisp, really isn’t all that bad.”

It seems that PCOS not only wants you to be that damsel, but gives you the matching tiara to complete the look. Today is one of my must eat sugar days. All I can think about seems to revolve around candy, sugar, chocolate and hopefully a dish that contains all of those things.

I have to stop my brain from giving into this urge and it’s a fine balance. Tea has become my saving grace today as are household chores and the various writing jobs that I have to get done on a deadline.

Wish me luck as I deal with the cane kryptonite, and I hope you have a wonderful day!

when life gives you superglue, attack back with glitter

standinguptopcos — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 16:40:49 +0000

Do you ever feel like you get into a rut? Like somehow there is imaginary superglue all around you, making any movement seem impossible? That’s how I’ve been feeling for the last few days. It has usually been my habit to dwell on what isn’t happening, who isn’t here, what hasn’t been accomplished yet. When I do this I become an overturned trailer truck blocking the road that is my life. It’s not that I intend to be a truck, but old habits die hard, and this is one that I still battle.

What do I do when I get into this Debbie Downer state? I count my blessings. Recognize that there is a lot that is happening, even though it’s not happening all in one day and that shifts my focus away from the negative and go full force into the positive. If you get what you put out, I only want to get the good stuff.

With that, I am going to the gym to literally put my best foot forward. I hope you all have an amazing day and you count your blessings.

How your waistline will survive the holidays

standinguptopcos — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 21:20:43 +0000

This will be my first Thanksgiving since getting rid of the Justin Bieber I had hanging around my mid section, and to be quite honest I’m not that worried about the temptations this holiday will pose, which of course freaked me out. How could I not be worried? If I get too comfortable I could be a pie piece away from having tight sweatpants and undo all of the hard work I have put in over the last five months.

I am also in charge of the Thanksgiving meal which is great because I love to cook and I love it even more when it’s for my family and friends. I’ve had people come up and ask me what healthy recipes I would be preparing, to which I responded, slim to none. I’m sorry, but Thanksgiving is the Superbowl of food, and this will be the one day that I don’t abide by my usual diet.

My trick I have developed for not freaking out? It’s an easy, gentle approach, something I was never used to doing. Bullying myself mentally and worrying about every bit of food felt like I was doing something, instead of just being present and kind to myself.

So here is my (no longer) top-secret holiday survival guide:

Weight loss/ maintenance is simple mathematics: burn more than you take in. Even though turkey day festivities are delicious, this is a holiday about giving thanks and being with loved ones. Call me crazy but grab a cup of tea and catch up with the ones you love instead of getting a second piece of apple pie.
Only go up to the buffet once. Make one plate and nurse it like a baby. Take your time with it- there’s no rush, savor the food and I guarantee that you won’t be able to finish the portions your eyes picked out for you, you’ll be too busy listening to your stomach.
Be active with your family. My dad and I used to take walks together all the time when I lived in Seattle. I haven’t been home for Thanksgiving for two years, so I plan on taking advantage of family time
left overs happen, and it’s ok to have them. Stick to the one plate rule and only make it one of the meals for your day not all three.
Be gentle with yourself. I knew going into this week that my eating was going to be less than perfect, and I made a deal with myself. I said, “You can eat what you want, don’t go crazy like the Superbowl fans who dress in full body paint (in Thanksgiving terms means bottomless candied sweet potatoes), but when you get back to LA, it’s back to basics.
Baby it might be cold outside, but those holiday themed drinks have a minimum of 300-1000+ calories depending on the size and if you add whip cream. I’m a fan of eating my calories, not drinking them from a coffee cup.

I hope you all have an amazing Thanksgiving holiday and give thanks and a little grace not only to others around you, but to yourself as well.

I also have launched my new website www.stacycitron.com. Feel free to contact me through there, twitter or the official Facebook fan page!

Celebrate good times alright?!

standinguptopcos — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 19:35:12 +0000

Today is my 24th birthday. When I went to bed last night, I was a little sad because I wasn’t as excited as I usually get around birthday time. As silly as it sounds I am a huge birthday fan, in fact I’m known for celebrating “birthday week” in years past. This birthday felt different, felt stale and very unexciting, and I was slightly depressed at the prospect of my birthdays no longer being the exciting event they once were.

Then at 430 this morning, my phone started to go crazy. I have email alerts sent to my phone and it makes a little bell sound and usually it doesn’t start this early, so I woke up much sooner than I had intended. It was Facebook, notifying me that my friends were wishing me happy birthday. Within the next 20 minutes my phone continuously chimed while all of my friends on the east coast sent me their birthday messages.

All of this cell phone commotion was followed by phone calls from my amazing parents, who without fail always send me the sweetest birthday cards and well wishes. My sister also sent me a beyond beautiful message this morning, and let me just say- you should all be so lucky to have a big sister like her. Especially on your birthday.

As I sit here writing this, with the phone and computer going crazy, I now know why I don’t feel super excited. The excitement I felt as a kid for getting a whole day that was all about me (swoon), has transformed into this crazy feeling of, wait for it, love.

I sometimes take for granted how much I am loved, and how much I love the people who are in my life. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have to have so many people who care about me so much! It’s an absolute blessing that has had such an impact on me (and it’s only 1130!).

Why brag? Think of the people in your life that you love, the people who you know without a doubt care about you with absolute sincerity. Reach out to them, let them know how much you care about them too! It doesn’t have to be a birthday, an anniversary or any type of special occasion to let them know how much you care (as hokey as that sounds).

These people will help you on your journey, as my friends and family have done for me.

So I wish you all a fabulous and healthy day filled with your loved ones. Now I’m going to go have some birthday cake.